Need
by kinseyjo
Summary: He needs her, she needs him, and it sure ain't platonic. The story formerly known as Escape. This will be a series of post ep stories... you know, the ones where you SWORE they went home and... well. You know.
1. Escape

**_A/N: Post ep for "Escape" (the one with Andy Eckerson – the old flame of Liv's). The writers practically THREW this story at anyone who's an EO shipper. I really like writing these from Liv's POV – 1st person. I know you guys like to put yourselves in her shoes. : ) So do I. Who wouldn't? By the way, let's just say that Elliot and Kathy are split up already. Just cuz. ; ) By the way – this is rated M for a reason, so if you have any issues with that, please skip it. R&R! XO, KJ_**

**Disclaimer: Only my overactive imagination belongs to me.**

He doesn't make me feel safe. He's an adrenaline junkie. He's a cop because it's a rush. Not because he wants to serve and protect. And, yeah, he's right. I used to get off on him chasing bad guys. And to tell you the truth, there's no fantasy quite like my partner in the middle of an interrogation. But not Andy. Elliot. Just the thought of how his jaw ticks when he's getting in a perp's face is enough to make me wet. And maybe that's why I'm here tonight. Sitting outside his apartment. Wanting to cross the line. Andy offered me a perfectly good date. A drink. One drink. In return, I offered him a perfectly lame excuse about insanity and needing stability. More like needing _Stabler_-ility. And insanity? Complicated? My life? Fuck. Isn't that the understatement of a lifetime? But here I am. Willing to complicate both our lives if only he'll let me. I send him a text message. Like we're in high school. Want to go to the prom? Christ. I tell him I'm downstairs. He texts me back. Tells me he'll be right down. Asks if I want to go for a walk. I would walk to the ends of the earth if that's where he was going. I tell him sure. No big deal, right? Fuck. I'm such a glutton for punishment.

He shows up downstairs, wearing black track pants, Nikes, and a grey hooded sweatshirt. He looks like a slob. But I think I might come just from the lazy smile on his handsome face. Dammit. Not seeing him all day makes me crazy.

"How'd the case with Eckerson go?" he asks as we start walking. I'm half tempted to spill my heart out on the sidewalk. Tell him everything. How scared I was that I'd die. How much I wished it was him calling the shots instead of Andy. How safe I felt when he was anywhere near me. How Andy had asked me out and I'd turned him down by telling him I needed Stabler. Stability. Needed stability. What I really wanted to say was that I couldn't have a drink with him because I'd rather be with Elliot. And I don't mean that platonically. Instead of telling Elliot all that, I just say "fine."

He stops walking and turns to me. "Cragen told me," he says.

"Then why'd you ask?" I snap. I don't know why I'm so… insane.

"Because I wanted to hear about it from you," he says, his hand on my arm.

"Who died and made you Huang?" I ask. I still have no idea why I'm being so venomous.

"Liv. Stop it."

"I'm sorry," I say automatically.

"Do you want to keep walking? Or do you want to go back to the apartment?" he asks.

We've barely walked two blocks. "Apartment," I say, barely a whisper. He nods and takes my hand. Nothing sexual about it, just a comfort thing. I grip his hand tightly as we turn and head back for his apartment.

We walk in silence the two blocks, his thumb brushing softly against mine.

Just a comfort thing.

We walk upstairs and I shrug out of my coat, leaving it and my shoes at the door.

"Ready to talk?" he asks after handing me a beer and taking one for himself. I take a long pull from the bottle and shake my head. Not yet. But he knows me. He gets me. I just need to sit. Hang out. Not think about the insanity. My insanity.

"How'd court go?" I ask.

"Fine," he says, nodding. "Indictment on all eight counts."

"Good," I say, mirroring his nod. I'm glad. Those little girls deserved justice and an indictment was a damn good start. "Andy asked me out," I blurt.

I can see a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Really?" he asks.

I nod again. "But I just wanted to come here," I say. He takes a long pull from his beer.

_Yeah. Sorry. I'm a lot to handle sometimes._

He nods. "I'm glad you did," he says quietly. I nearly choke on my beer.

"Really?"

He nods. "I want you to feel like you can talk to me."

Oh. Not where my mind was going. God. I want to know what that beer tastes like on his tongue. He's sitting next to me. All I'd have to do is turn my head. He'd be right there. But I don't. For whatever reason. I just sit.

"Cragen said you guy the guy's conviction overturned."

_After he threatened my life._

"Andy…" I begin. "He's not you," I say.

"He's a good cop, Liv. He had your back, I'm sure."

I shake my head. "I was so scared, Elliot." With that one admission, the pipe bursts and I begin to cry. He wraps his arm around me and holds me to his chest. "All Andy wanted was Mike dead. I really… I really don't know what he would have done. But the whole time," I pause to look up into his brilliant blue eyes. "The whole time I wished it was you calling the shots," I say.

Elliot rubs my back and tries his best to comfort me. "Sometimes… I just need to get away from all the insanity. And even though how I feel about you is part of the insanity, it's also part of my stability." As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize I could have just as well told him I love him. Shit. I press on, hoping he'll ignore me if he doesn't feel the same way, praying he'll do anything else if he does. "Sometimes I just need… to escape." I finish lamely. This wasn't how I planned for this to go.

"Let me be that for you," he whispers. I'm too stunned to speak. "Let me be your escape," he says.

Wow. I sit, motionless. I'm not sure what I should do, so I wait. I feel his strong presence next to me. His hand cups my cheek. He turns my head toward him and our faces are so close that if I breathe, we'll be kissing. His blue eyes look into mine and I know he can see my heart reflected there.

"Elliot," I sigh and then his mouth is on mine. Rational thought is a thing of the past.

His kiss makes me weak. I can tell the insanity of my life is attached to my feelings for this man. It wasn't always like that, it used to be all about the job. But somewhere along the line… I fell in love with him.

"Liv," he sighs. "If you don't…" I let my mouth open to invited a deeper kiss. He groans as his fingers slide into my hair. He'd been about to give me the chance to back out, but there's no way in hell I'm taking that chance. The beer tastes too good.

"Don't stop," I whisper into his mouth. The next thing I know, he's shifting me to my back, rolling me under him on the couch. He's the picture of sexy strength and grace as he runs the hand that isn't cradling my head down to the button on my jeans. He flicks it open and slides the zipper down. I wiggle my hips to try to encourage him to go faster. He laughs at my brazen gesture.

"Relax," he says.

"Easy for you to say," I mutter.

"This is supposed to be your escape, Liv. Just let go," he breathes. I, on the other hand, cannot breathe. You try breathing when the sexiest man you've ever seen has his hand inching toward the wettest spot on your body.

His hand slides below the waistband of my blue striped panties and teases my clit for a second. I shift my hips at just the right time that it forces him to push a couple fingers inside me. Holy mother of God that's good. He's kissing the side of my neck and slowly plunging his fingers into me and pulling them out again. I can feel his erection on my leg – hard and wanting in on the action. It occurs to me that I've never hand an orgasm fully clothed. But I'm damn sure about to.

"Elliot," I breathe.

"Right here, baby. Right here. Just let go. I've got you," he says. Those words and one more swipe of his thumb over my clit are all it takes for me to do just that. I come louder and shrieky-er than I ever have in my life, and Elliot does nothing to quiet me down. The neighbors are probably all awake and pissed.

"Feel better?" he asks, kissing me gently when I come back down.

"Mmmm," I murmur stroking my hands under his shirt. "Thank you for that," I reply, blushing.

"Anytime," he says.

"I was worried," I say.

"You were a hostage," he reminds me.

"Not that. This. I was worried about this."

"What do you mean?"

"I was outside," I mutter, blushing.

"I know. You called me."

"No. I was outside for a long time before I called you." 

"How long?"

"Maybe a half-hour?" I squeak.

"Why? What's to worry about?"

"Uh, well. You're my partner. And my best friend. And it's been a long time since I was in high school, but I'm pretty sure that whole 'best friends falling in love' thing doesn't always work out."

"Falling in love, huh? Is that what we're doing?" he asks, the trademark smirk back in place. Cocky. Fucker.

"Maybe," I say, lying through my damn teeth. Falling? That would imply it was happening right now. I already fell approximately… how long have we been partners?

"Liv…" he begins. Oh good. The brush-off speech. My fave.

"If you are going to say anything that would potentially upset me, please don't. I've had a hard day."

"Olivia," he chuckles. "Do you ever listen? Or do you just talk?"

I'm sitting here, my eyes squeezed shut, hoping that if I don't look at him, maybe what he's going to say won't hurt as much. He's silent for a moment, giving me a chance to mouth off, and then he starts talking again.

"I could very easily fall in love with you, if you'd let me," he pauses for what feels like an eternity. "Maybe I already have," he whispers. "Or maybe, we'll just stay best friends."

I open one eye to look at him and he laughs.

"But the fact remains, that no matter what happens, I am always going to be here. I will always be your escape. Whether you need to cry, or laugh, or yell, or," he pauses again for dramatic effect. "Come," he whispers. My other eye flies open to see him grinning from ear to ear.

"I know," I say. "You have always been there for me in all of those other instances. Tonight was the first time you were there for me in the last one," I say, feeling a blush creep up my neck and cheeks.

"It's my favorite way to be there for you, Olivia. I'm not going to lie to you," he deadpans.

I can feel the heat in my face. I know I must be ten shades of red.

"BUT," I say. "That way could jeopardize everything. We've built an amazing partnership these last five years. Everyone thinks so. I don't want to mess that up."

He starts to say something and I hold up my hand so I can interrupt him. "But, I can't lie either, ever since you and Kathy got divorced, I have… fantasized," I whisper, "about it being more than a partnership."

"Fantasies, huh?" he asks. "What was I doing in these fantasies?"

"Being there for me. In that last way." I answer, blushing for about the hundredth time that night.

He smiles again. "So what do you say," he asks, kissing me sweetly, "that tonight, I… _be there_ for you… as many times as you need…" he murmurs under his breath and kisses the side of my neck. "And we'll just… figure the rest of it out?"

--

_**A/N: I tried to end this a bunch of different ways, but this one is my favorite. Let me know what you think – but of course, no flames. After all your amazing reviews, my ego can't take it. : ) XO, Kinsey**_


	2. Shaken

_**A/N: Okay ladies… here's another smut chapter for you. I promised Rach smut this weekend. Since she went and took her ACT's like a good girl and didn't run off to Tahiti with Chris… I better hold up my end of the deal! This is a post ep I've had running around in my head for awhile. Remember the end of "Shaken?" Where Elliot is crying in the bar and he's a little drunk? Well what if it hadn't been Captain Cragen who came to tell him they turned off Lucy's machine? Mwhahaha. Oh yeah, keep in mind that I don't have the dialogue memorized, so any errors are those of my memory! Oh and – Elliot and Kathy are already split up. You guys know I only have that ONE story where I let him philander! Oh and – (this is the longest A/N EVER!) this is rated M for a reason. If I could rate it MM I would – beware – the language I use is a little more graphic than I ever have before…. R&R my darlings! XO, Kinsey Jo **_

**Disclaimer: Only my overactive imagination is mine. **

--

He's drinking. Oh God. He's drunk. He doesn't get drunk. Sure, he's been known to have a drink or two or maybe get a little out of control at the ball every few years… but he doesn't just _get drunk. _

"El?" I ask softly. He pounds back another shot of what I can only assume is good Irish whiskey. He glances up at me, his blue eyes clouded over with intoxication. "Give me your keys. Let me take you home."

"They turn off the machine?" he slurs.

"Yeah. Took about ten minutes. Lucy went peacefully."

He nods slowly, scrubbing a hand down over his face. He holds up a picture of a little blonde girl. I'd know that face anywhere. "This is Maureen. When she was about Lucy's age. I'd just gotten out of the Marines. Kathy was pregnant. Again. She had to go somewhere one night. Left me alone with Maureen." He pauses to blink back the tears I can see building. "She spilled grape juice all over this new carpet we got. That we couldn't afford. I grabbed her arm to spank her and I…" he pauses again. "Slapped her across the face." The tears overflow and I put my hand on his arm for comfort. Telling him silently that he can stop if he wants, or continue if he needs to get it out. He chooses to continue. "And as my hand was coming down a second time… this voice in my head said _stop._ I grabbed her, and hugged her, and I just kept saying 'I'm sorry' over and over. I… I could have killed my kid… over a lousy carpet," he looks up at me and his cheeks are damp with tears, his eyes red from a combination of them and the whiskey.

"C'mon," I say, putting my arm around his shoulders and heading for the door.

--

Twenty minutes later, we're sitting outside his apartment in my Navigator. We're both silent, waiting for the other to say something, anything.

"Liv…I… I'm sorry about that. Back there," he chuckles softly. "I kinda lost it," he says.

"Elliot, don't worry about it. You're my partner and my best friend. It's okay if you get a little teary every once in awhile."

"Thanks," he smiles at me.

"Don't worry about it. You know I love you, you big sap," I grin.

The smile leaves his face and all of a sudden he looks very serious. "You love me?"

"Well. You know what I mean…" I stammer.

_Fuck. Guess the cat's outta the bag on that one. _

"Yeah. I think I know exactly what you mean." And in the next breath, he's leaning across the center console and he's kissing me. Talk about zero to sixty.

"Liv… will you come up? I don't really feel like being alone tonight."

"Are you sure?" I whisper, praying to God he's not going to change his mind.

"I'm sure. Come up."

I cut the engine and pull the keys out of the ignition. I don't think I've ever seen Elliot so vulnerable. I remind myself that he's drunk and maybe this isn't the best idea ever.

"I'm not that drunk. I promise," he senses my hesitation and reads my mind. Like always.

"I, uh, I know," I stammer again. Something about this man renders me incapable of forming complete sentences.

--

We're standing in the kitchen a few minutes later, and I don't know what the hell we're doing. The urge to shove him up against the refrigerator and rip his clothes off is almost overwhelming, but it was his idea for me to come up, so he's going to have to set the pace. He needs me. He needs us. Needs us in a way we've never been before. Sort of terrifies the shit out of a girl…

He's standing right in front of me; I can smell the whiskey on his breath. I think I'm getting drunk off of it. Or maybe it's the pure unadulterated lust running through my body. You know. One or the other.

"So," he says.

"So," I reply. Wow. We're really good at this conversation thing.

He takes another step toward me and my eyes drift shut. His lips crash down on mine and the taste of the whiskey combined with the beer he gave me when we got up here… wow. The beer drops out of my hand and the bottle shatters against the tile floor. I gasp and pull away from the kiss.

He pulls me back to him and growls, "don't worry about it." Wow. I don't know that I've ever had someone want me so badly. Shattered glass and bare feet, but he doesn't care. I'm leaned with my back against the counter and he puts his hands around my waist to hoist me up so I'm sitting next to the sink. I wrap my legs around his hips to pull him closer. "Now you're gettin' the idea," he grins.

"Oh trust me," I say. "I've had the idea."

He laughs, pressing kisses against my throat. "Oh really? And just what idea might that be?" he asks.

"Most of them involve you in various states of undress," I explain.

"Is that so?"

"Mhm."

"And what about you?" he asks as he's slowly undoing the buttons on my light blue dress shirt.

"What _about_ me?"

"Are you dressed in these… ideas?"

Oh, fuck, I think he's trying to kill me. As he's waiting for my response, he's slowly licking a path down the skin he's exposed with his button undoing.

"Rarely," I whisper.

"Interesting," he mutters. He reaches my belly button and quickly flicks his tongue inside. "Mmmm… you know, Liv, I'd really like to do that somewhere else," he looks up at me, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

"Whatever you need, Elliot."

"Oh, I think you need this as much as I do," he replies.

_You're fucking right, I do. _

"So. You gonna make me do all the work tonight or what, Benson?" he asks.

Oh. Right. I've pretty much been sitting here. Not really giving back. I'll have to fix that. I smile at him and say, "You know, I think you're doing a damn fine job, Stabler."

"A guy could always use a little help," he responds.

I grin wickedly and pull his black dress shirt from the waistband of his dockers. I love this shirt. He looks so sexy in it. I undo the first button and press a kiss to the exposed skin. As I'm unbuttoning and kissing my way down his body, I slide back off the counter so I'm pressed between him and the silverware drawer. Holy hell. As I slide down his body, I can feel his erection pressed between my thighs. I've got his shirt unbuttoned and as he shrugs it off, I reach out and caress what's behind door number one, eliciting a groan from him. He stands there for a second, arms at his sides, letting me trail my fingernails up and down his zipper. His eyes slide shut and he bites his bottom lip. "Touch me," he manages to growl.

"I thought I was," I tease.

He opens one eye and raises an eyebrow at me. "I think you can do better," he says.

"What makes you think that?" I ask, innocently as if I'm not currently sliding my jeans and panties off in the middle of his kitchen.

"Well if you're even halfway as good as you are every night in my dreams… I'd say it's a pretty safe bet," he admits.

"Dreams, huh?" I whisper, kissing the spot where his neck connects to his shoulder.

"Every night."

"And in these dreams… I am…" I trail off, going for a _just curious_ vibe.

"Totally naked and sucking me off. Or riding me on the table in the interrogation room. Or letting me go down on you on the weight bench. Or… any number of things really. If you can dream it, we've done it."

_Holy shit. _

"Really?" I try to say it nonchalantly, but my voice betrays me and it comes out a choked whisper.

"Really," he responds.

"In fact… you _did_ say whatever I needed," he teases.

"Indeed I did."

He opens his eyes and gazes into mine. "You'll let me know if there's anything you don't--"

I interrupt him. "Don't worry about it." I want to laugh that it just occurred to him that sharing his fantasy might freak me out. I thought I'd made it pretty clear that I was up for whatever he wanted. To prove my point, I sink to my knees, careful to check for broken glass that might embed itself… that'd be fun to explain to the ER doctor: _Oh yeah, I was going to go down on my partner in his kitchen and I sliced my knee up with a broken beer bottle. Whoops! _

"Olivia," he says hesitantly, trying to pull me back up.

"Let me," I say. "Trust me. I want to." I shrug out of my shirt and reach behind myself to unhook my bra. When it hits the floor, I look up at him for a reaction. This is his fantasy and I want to make sure I'm living up to his expectations.

His breath catches in his throat for a second, but he'll relax. I undo his belt buckle and then the button to his pants. I try to slide the zipper down as slowly as I can, without causing any damage to the erection pressing behind it. I gasp as he comes into view. "Commando, huh?" I ask.

He blushes. "Laundry day," he admits. I can't help but giggle as I press a kiss to the head. A drop of pre-come appears and my tongue darts out to get it. I reach up to take his hand, wanting some other sort of connection to know he's still there. My tongue slowly traces patterns up and down his length and his free hand tangles in my hair. Not really holding me in place, more like a caress. I slide his full length into my mouth and suck deeply.

"Holy fuck," he groans. I smile a little at the power I hold over him. I lick slowly up and down his length, kissing, sucking, and nibbling him into oblivion. When I know he's just about to come, teetering on the edge between the here and now and la-la land, I feel his hand grip tighter on my head. His fingers tighten in my hair as he pulls me off of him. "This isn't how I want to... I want to be inside you," he mumbles softly.

"Whatever you need," I reply. I stand and he lifts me back up to the counter. I'm so turned on from going down on him that he slides into me with ease. My head drops back and I can feel my hair tickle between my shoulder blades. His hands are gripping my hips as he's pumping into me. I lean back, propping myself up with my hands. He presses sweet kisses to my breasts, biting and sucking at the tender flesh. He reaches between us and pinches my clit, sending me flying through space. My arms give out and I collapse back onto the counter as he's trying to catch his own release. I tighten my muscles around him, hoping to pull him over the edge with me. It works. He pulls me back up to him, my legs wrapped around his waist, his arms wrapped around my torso with his head resting on my chest.

"Better," he proclaims.

"You feel better?" I ask, slightly confused.

"No. Well, yes, but no. You. You're more than I ever could have imagined," he whispers reverently, kissing my lips.

I kiss him back for all I'm worth and whisper in his ear.

"Take me to bed."

--

****

_**A/N: What did you think? **_


	3. Fat

A/N: Finally there are no PEOPLE in my HOUSE which means no PEOPLE on the COMPUTER and I can get more smut written! Haha! Here's another chapter for "Need," it's a sort of post-ep for "Fat." Not really post though, because it's in the middle of the episode. Anyway, I seriously wrote down what they said verbatim, so there are some spoilers if you haven't seen this season seven episode yet! This is what totally SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED!! And be warned, it's another one I'd rate MM if I could!

Disclaimer: Only my overactive imagination is mine!

Dedication: For my crazy smut girls – and Rach for the idea of what Liv does instead of letting Elliot walk out the door!! Love you guys!

--

I don't know how long I've been standing here watching him. Watching the play of muscles in his back as he strips out of his torn shirt and puts on a clean one. I can tell how mad he is. Maybe it's the fact that we're best friends, or maybe it's just that after seven years of working with someone twelve hours a day, you know things about them. He slips a black dress shirt on and I can't help but be a little disappointed. I don't think he knows the effect he has on me; if he did, would he strip in front of me like it was no big deal? I guess it really isn't; guys run around with their shirts off all the time… and if Elliot _would_ run around without a shirt on… I'd probably need to be hosed down.

"I liked that shirt," I decide to say in order to announce my presence. He adjusts his collar as he turns around. He doesn't look all that surprised to see me standing here. Maybe he can feel it when I'm in the room the way I can feel it when he's within five miles of me.

He buttons the second button on his shirt, leaving the top part of his chest and his throat exposed. My need to kiss him _right there_ is almost overwhelming, but I stay put. "What're you doing here?" he asks.

Oh, he's pissed at Blaine all right. But he's pissed at me too. For putting him in the position to have to lay the smack down on his partner.

"I heard what happened between you and Blaine," I say, my voice rising in surprise, even though I'm not. I've heard the Blaine stories. He's the only cop on the NYPD with more rage and anger issues than Elliot Stabler. I knew they'd come to blows eventually.

"What can I tell ya, he's a prick," he says, slamming his locker shut and glancing up at me. I look down at my shoes, not wanting him to look in my eyes. I don't want him to see all the emotions I'm holding back. He can read me like a book and if he looks in my eyes it'll be a damn short story of eleven words.

_I love you and it scares the hell out of me._

He strides to me, purposefully in two steps. For a minute, I think he's going to kiss me. He's that close. Not to mention he's so fired up he'll have to release it somehow. I'm part of the reason he's mad, so I'm the one it'll get released on. He's too angry to yell and I know he'd never hit me – what else is there?

But he doesn't kiss me. Instead he asks a question. One I know the answer to, but I'm not sure I'm ready to answer honestly.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I look at him, look around; still not wanting our eyes to meet for fear that the truth might come out. _Why _didn't I tell him?

_Because I love you and it scares the hell out of me._

Elliot, we've been partners for seven years – longer than anybody else here. We needed a change." I shake my head at my own lame-ass explanation. "I'm sorry," I begin as I'm finally able to look up into his clear blue eyes. He knows I'm not telling him the whole truth. "I should have talked to you, it's just… it's just too complicated."

_I love you and it scares the hell out of me._

I look up to gauge his reaction. He swallows quickly, knowing I've just fed him a load of bullshit.

"Thanks for dropping by," he says, making a move to go past me and down the stairs. To make an exit out of my life. The mere thought of that terrifies me more than the thought of him knowing that I love him and I grab his arm to stop him. I'm going to have to be the brave one this time.

"Elliot, wait." He stops, and steps back so he's in front of me again.

"What?" he asks, a look on his face bordering between confusion and hurt.

"I… I… Never mind," I mutter as I pull him to me and crash my lips to his. He's thrown off kilter for just a second, but quickly regains his composure. He threads his fingers into my hair and deepens the kiss, nearly sucking the breath right out of my lungs.

"Olivia," he breathes.

"Elliot," I reply, not wanting him to talk. If he starts talking he'll start thinking and I don't want him doing that either. If he thinks, he might start considering what a terrible idea this is. I keep kissing him, my hands fisted in his shirt, pushing him back against the locker. I'm rubbing my hips against his, trying to get closer. If I could crawl inside him I would. He switches our position so my back is against the lockers. He runs his hand down the back side of my thigh until he gets to my knee. He brings my leg up to wrap around his hip and grinds his forming erection into my core. "I need you so bad," I groan.

"You've got me," he replies, kissing a trail down my neck. He reaches down to where my leg is wrapped around his hip and unbuttons my black pants. He slides the zipper down and dips his fingers below the waistband of my hot pink thong. He slides two fingers inside me and finds my traitorous body wet and willing. "Maybe I should change clothes more often," he grins.

"Maybe you should," I moan as my head drops back against the lockers with a soft _thunk._

"Maybe you should _watch_ more often," he continues, kissing my shoulder where he's pulled my blue sweater down.

"Maybe I should," I reply inanely. "But maybe you should just fuck me and put me out of my misery," I beg.

"Holy shit," he breathes. That probably was the last thing he expected me to say, though I don't know why, considering how I just threw myself at him. My request turns us both on and he quickens the pace of his fingers in my body, pulling me right to the edge.

"Inside," I plead.

"What?" he asks.

"Inside. You. Inside me. I want to come so hard I can't see straight," I growl.

"Have you always been like this?" he teases.

"Only when it comes to you," I answer honestly. And why not? Apparently it's an honesty kind of day.

I reach my hand to the placket of his black dress pants and flip the button open to slide the zipper down. I let my leg drop to the floor long enough to get his pants and black briefs down on his hips far enough to let his length out. I groan at the size of it, the size of the amazing man I'm going to have inside me in only a moment's time.

"Wrap your legs around my waist," he directs. I do as he says and he reaches down to slide my thong to the side. Not enough time to totally strip. Hell, I barely got my coat off. He sucks my tongue into his mouth and he slides into me. Hard. My arms are wound around his neck and his huge hands are holding my hips as he drives into me. I'm hanging on by a thread, but all of that is about to be lost with one word from him.

"Come," he says, and I obey. I'm falling apart in his arms, which in the seven years of our partnership I've found to be the safest place to fall apart, only never in the way I am right now. I cling to him as I come down from my high pressing soft kisses to the skin exposed by his half-buttoned shirt.

"That was just what I needed," I say.

"Me too," he breathes. "Thank you for letting me… do that for you," he finishes lamely. "I… Don said to change and then be in his office. I better get down there before he starts to wonder."

I nod as he lets my legs drop to the floor. "Just a second," I say, not quite sure I can stand on my own without his support. I regain my footing and nod my head again. "Okay," I say. He tucks himself back in, tucks in his shirt and buttons and zips his pants. I kiss his chest softly again and he holds my chin between his thumb and forefinger. He brings my lips up to his and kisses me sweetly. He smiles as he heads for the locker room door. I right my clothes again and smile back at him. The top button on his shirt is still undone and the sight of it makes my mouth water. He stops in the doorway and opens his mouth to say something, pauses, and closes it again.

"What?" I ask.

"Can I… tonight… can we…"

"Come over after work," I reply with a smile.

"Okay," he grins back at me, turns and jogs down the stairs. I slump back against the lockers and clutch my hand to the silver necklace I'm wearing.

_I love him and it scares the hell out of me._

--

A/N: Shorter than they have been lately… but you guys are going to be on smut overload! Let me know what you thought! XO, KJ


	4. Fault: Fight

A/N: I'm so glad you guys liked "Lay Your Hands on Me!" You know how this is going to work, right? You give me permission with your awesome reviews to get REALLY graphic… this one is even more graphic than the last. Here's the deal with this one. I'm doing two chaps of "Need" for the episode "Fault." They work totally independent of each other. The first part is going to be called "Fight" and the second part will be called "Tears." I don't want you to necessarily think that "Tears" happened after "Fight" or anything, because even though the end of this is going to sound like there's more to come, "Tears" isn't the continuation. I meant both of them to be the first time these two ever hooked up. Please keep that in mind, because some things might not make sense. If you haven't noticed, each one of these chapters is designed to express how much Elliot and Olivia need each other (hence the name) and each one is designed to be the first time they had sex. If you were wondering. : ) For this one, let's say that the fight they had didn't happen at the precinct, it was at Olivia's okay? Part of the conversation is verbatim, but part I improvised. If you're an EO shipper, you know where I started improvising! Ok, I'm done talking. R&R -- you know I'll love you for it! XO, KiNsEy!

Disclaimer: Only my overactive imagination belongs to me!

--

"What are you doing here?" I ask quietly.

He doesn't say anything, he just stares at me. His normally bright blue eyes are dark, like a midnight storm on the ocean. I start to shut the door in his face, but he puts his hand out to stop it from swinging shut. He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out.

"You acted like a prick back at the station house, Stabler," I say.

"Me?" he scoffs. "I acted like a prick?" he asks in disbelief.

"Yeah. Ya did." He shoves past me into my apartment and crosses his arms over his chest. God dammit. I can't fucking _think_ when he does that. He puffs out his chest and gets this… this… cocky smirk on his face. Never fails. Now I can feel the slight wetness in my panties. Another thing that rarely fails whenever he's around. I try to recover and concentrate on the fact that I'm so fucking pissed at him that I can't see straight so that I don't think about how badly I want his dick inside me while I ride him until he screams my name.

He pinches the bridge of his nose, a tick he has when he's mad and doesn't know what to say without pissing anyone off. "You got somethin' you wanna say to me? Cuz if you do, let's hear it!"

"Why didn't you shoot Gitano?" he asks angrily.

"He was using the child as a shield!" I exclaim.

"How could you let him get so close to you?"

"There were innocent civilians around, I couldn't get a shot!" Are we really having this discussion? Is he really questioning me?

"Well he got close and Ryan's dead!"

"Oh, so this is my fault?"

He throws up his hands in defeat and stalks toward me. "Olivia, I can't do this anymore. I can't be lookin' over my shoulder, makin' sure you're okay!"

I'm reeling with anger. It's all I can do not to punch his fucking lights out. I can't believe he suggested… what a fucking prick. But, if I hate him so much then _why_ I am nearly overcome with the urge to shove him up against the wall and kiss that look right off his face?

_Because you love him, you moron. Christ, what kind of detective are you if you can't figure that out, Benson?_

Ah, the inner voice that never knows quite when to SHUT THE FUCK UP!

"You son of a bitch," I ground out. "You _know_ that isn't true! I have had your God damned back more times than I can count. And I have NEVER asked you for _anything._"

_But I'm half tempted to ask you to fuck me. Right here, right now._

"Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I… maybe I… I _need_ you to need me, Olivia, and if you think that isn't the fucking scariest thing I've ever felt, you've got another God damn thing coming. You were _fine_ without me today. You were _fine_ and I let Ryan die, because stupid fucking me, I thought maybe, for _once_ you might need me."

As tempted as I am to wrap my arms around him and tell him that I _do_ need him, I don't. I'm too mad. And too afraid. I cross my own arms over my chest and glare at him. "Well then I guess we're at an impasse, aren't we detective?"

I walk past him and turn the door knob to show him out. He reaches over me and slams the door shut again.

"You're kind of a sarcastic bitch sometimes," he growls.

"EXCUSE ME?" I ask.

"You heard me."

What the fuck? I can feel the flames of anger coloring my cheeks.

"I think you need to leave," I say.

"No. I think I need to do this," he says, and in an instant, his hands are burning up my body and his lips are crushed to mine in a bruising, punishing kiss. My mouth opens of its own volition and he slides his tongue inside. I shove him away from me and glare at him.

"What's your fucking problem?!" I scream.

"YOU! YOU ARE MY FUCKING PROBLEM! THE FACT THAT I WANT TO FUCK YOU FOUR WAYS FROM SUNDAY IS MY FUCKING PROBLEM!"

"WHAT?!" I scream in disbelief.

"And again, Olivia, YOU FUCKING HEARD ME!!!" he screams back. I stalk toward him and shove him against the front door.

"Then why don't you do it? If your problem is me, and you think fucking me is going to solve it, why don't you just have the _fuck_ at it, Elliot?"

We're both breathing heavily, as if we were already doing it. As if we were already racing toward the finish line, our sweat-slicked bodies tangled in the sheets of my bed.

"You want it?" he asks. "I'm not that guy, Olivia. I'm not doing anything you don't want."

I nod my head.

"Say it. I want to hear the words. Say you want me to fuck you."

"I want it Elliot. I want you to fuck me so bad I might just come right now if you even touch me," I growl.

He grins a little as he switches our positions. He pulls the zipper of my hooded sweatshirt all the way down, revealing the totally naked skin underneath. He mutters an oath as his hand covers my breast and squeezes. A current of fire shoots down to my clit and my head falls back against the door with a heavy _thud._ I run my hand down my stomach beneath the elastic band of my navy blue jogging shorts and touch myself. He groans at the sight of it and licks a trail down my stomach, his hand leaving my breast.

"Elliot, don't stop. I'm so close," I groan.

"G'head. Take this one without me. Let me watch," he says, pulling my shorts and panties down my legs so he can get a better view. I have two of my own fingers inside myself and I'm stroking furiously, trying to drop over the edge. Elliot kisses my stomach, my thighs, and the back of my hand. He bumps his nose against my fingers, pushing them in deeper. I press my thumb against my clit as I reach harder for my climax, but something is different this time. I can come any other time when I'm alone, picturing him in my mind, but for some reason, when I have him here, my body won't allow my orgasm. I want to come so badly, I need it so badly, but I just can't. I try to concentrate, stroking faster, rubbing my clit harder. "Olivia," he breathes in that honey-warm voice. There. That's it. That's what I needed. I groan out his name as I come, harder than I ever have in my life. I slump back against the door, my hand still inside myself as my knees threaten to give out. He reaches out his hands to steady me, bringing me down to the floor with him. My breathing is recovering, and I open my eyes to look at him.

"That's not the first time you've done that, is it?" he asks, pulling my fingers from my body and licking them off.

I shake my head as he draws my middle finger into his mouth and sucks deeply.

"What do you think about?" he asks.

"You."

"Me?"

"You," I say again. "You are my fantasy," I admit.

"How long?" he asks.

"How long what?"

"How long have I been your fantasy?"

I look up to where he's lying on his side next to me, his fingers tracing patterns on my breast.

"Longer than I can remember," I answer honestly.

"I have a confession," he says.

"What?" I ask.

"Me too."

"You too, what?"

"You're my fantasy, Benson. Just like that. Eyes closed, mouth open, cursing my name while you come." He reaches out to me and closes his mouth over my nipple.

"Elliot," I whisper, arching my back, trying to push my breasts out for more of his attention. He rolls to his back and pulls me on top of him, pushing my sweatshirt the rest of the way off my shoulders. I grind into his cock, loving the feel of how hard it is between my thighs. He groans and flips me to my back on the plush carpeting. Even though it's soft and brand new, I already know I'm going to have rug burns tomorrow. He holds himself above me, his weight braced on his arms, a massive hand on either side of my head. I draw my knees up and squeeze them around his hips.

"Unbutton my jeans," he asks. I flick the button open and take the zipper down while I'm at it.

"Commando, huh, detective?" I ask.

He gets the Elliot-smirk on his face, but it quickly turns to a full fledged smile as I take his impressive length out of his tight blue jeans. "I think there might be another reason for all that brooding intensity," I mutter to myself.

"What?" he asks.

"Nothing," I say. "Just something Melinda said earlier. It doesn't matter."

He braces his weight on one arm while he reaches down to help me guide him into my waiting pussy. He slides in part way and stops. "You okay?" he asks.

"Fine," I say; my eyes squeezed shut, waiting for the pinch of pain that I know is coming. The man is huge. There's no way this is going to be totally painless.

"Relax. Relax and it won't hurt as much," he says.

I open my eyes and roll them at him. "Easy for you to say." He laughs a little, which relaxes me enough for him to slide the rest of the way in. And when he does, I just feel so… good.

"Elliot, move," I command. He grins, brings his mouth down to mine and kisses me slowly, drawing circles around the inside of my mouth with his tongue. He pulls out almost all the way and shoves completely back in, grinding me a little bit into the carpet. He pulls out again, and I buck my hips up into his. His eyes stare into mine and I can see something reflected there. Something other than pure unadulterated lust. Something like… I'll worry about that later. Right now, he's taking me. Like I'm _his_ to fuck naked while he stays completely clothed. And I don't mind one damn bit.

"Olivia," he mutters, and I can tell he's close. We've never been intimate like this before, but I know when he's about to orgasm. I meet him thrust for thrust, our tongues mimicking what he's doing to me down below.

"Elliot… faster," I beg. "You said you wanted to fuck me. Now do it." His eyes blaze the color of butane and he loses his mind a little, slamming into me over and over. The rug burns are going to be a bitch, but I'm fairly confident he'll kiss them better.

He kisses me passionately and cries my name into my mouth as he spills his seed inside me. I'm right behind him, flying into a million pieces, shrieking his name as I bite down on his shoulder to at least maintain a _little_ decorum.

He rolls to his back and takes me with him, his hands stroking up and down my bare back as I come back down.

"You know, Liv," he chuckles a minute later. "I used to really hate fighting with you. But if they all end with sex like that from now on… I might just start looking for a reason to piss you off."

"I almost forgot I was mad at you," I say, punching him lightly in the chest.

"And I had to open my big mouth," he groans at his own stupidity.

"Mhm," I tease. "But you know how you can make it up to me?" I ask.

"How's that?" he murmurs, on the edge of sleep, still trailing his fingers up and down my back.

"Go get in my bed. Be naked when I get there," I say, hoisting myself up off the floor.

"What are you going to be doing?" he asks, a puzzled look on his face while he tries to tuck himself back into his jeans.

"Just you wait and see," I say, heading for the fridge and the bottle of chocolate syrup I know is inside the door.

--

A/N: If you need one, my faithful assistant Bandbi is right over there with fans and bottled water. : ) Let me know what you thought!!


	5. Fault: Tears

A/N: I'm so glad you guys liked "Fight!" Smutty smutty goodness! Here's "Tears!" Let me know what you think! XO, KiNsEy Jo

Disclaimer: Only my overactive imagination belongs to me!

--

My cell phone chirps. Thank God. A text message. I won't have to try and compose myself so I don't sound like I've been bawling for four hours. Which I have. I got home from work at seven, it's now eleven. I reach my hand out from where I'm ensconced in the down comforter on my bed to grab my phone. I flip it open to read the message.

It's from Elliot.

_U still up?_

I text him back quickly.

_Yeah._

I hit send and wait. The phone chirps a minute later.

_Come buzz me up._

Shit. I don't want him to see me like this.

_Just got out of the shower. Hang on a sec._

I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror. Fuck it. He's going to know.

I walk to the kitchen, adjusting the waistband of my navy track pants and straightening the hood of the white NYPD sweatshirt with "STABLER" across the back in navy blue block print and his badge number over my heart. He left it here. Mine now.

I hit the button to buzz him up and go back to the living room to wait. Even though he didn't use it to get in the building, he'll use his key to get in. A few moments later, after he's done just that, he's standing in front of me. On one hand, it's like I'm there with him, but on the other… it's like I'm just watching the whole thing happen. I'm just… numb.

"I thought you just got out of the shower," he says.

I nod.

"Your hair's dry. And you've been crying."

I nod again, still not saying anything.

"Olivia, I think we need to talk," he says, ignoring my lies and taking a seat next to me on the couch.

"I asked Cragen for a new partner," I blurt. Christ. The first thing I've said all night and _that's_ what I choose? Great.

"What? Why?"

I swallow thickly. Now or never. "Because."

"Because…"

"You… you said… if we ever… if we ever put each other ahead... ahead of the job again… that we… couldn't… that we couldn't be partners," I say tearfully. The waterworks start again as I remember making the toughest decision I'd ever made in my life. Next to the one I'm making right now. Next to the decision I'm making to say what I'm about to say. "When you said that… it just… hit me, you know? I have to have a new partner. I don't _want_ a new partner--"

"Then why--" he interrupts and I stop him.

"Please, Elliot. Let me finish before I lose my nerve. I don't want a new partner, but I have to have one. Because it hit me… that I will always… always… put you… ahead of the job, Elliot." I take a deep breath and try to prepare myself for the words that are about to come out of my mouth. "I'm in love with you."

"You're what?"

"I love you, Elliot," I look up at him, his bright blue eyes giving me a sudden strength. Even if he rejects my love, even if he takes my heart, tears it in half, and hands it back to me, this man is my best friend. He'll always be here for me. He won't hold the fact that I'm in love with him against me if he doesn't feel the same way. Which I'm sure is the case. My luck wouldn't have it any other way. "You asked me… you asked me how I let Gitano get… get close enough to cut me. How'd _you_ let him get close enough to _you_? How could you let him get close enough… to make me think… to make me think I was going to lose the most important thing in my life?" I finish the question on a choked whisper; a sob is sitting thickly in my throat, waiting to escape. I look at him again, releasing the sob and wiping my cheeks quickly.

"You won't lose me, Liv," he says. "I'll never leave you. I promise."

I shake my head because I know he's lying. He can't make that promise. He doesn't know, hell, neither do I. He doesn't know what kind of scumbag cop killer we might run across tomorrow, the next day, or even ten years down the road. And that wasn't even really what I meant. "Elliot, it was… the look. The look in your eyes, El. It was like you'd already given up," I say quietly.

He opens his mouth to disagree, but then he shuts it again. He knows I'm right. The guilt of Ryan's death was weighing heavily on him. He _had_ given up. He figured if God let him put himself in the position to get stuck on the business end of Gitano's gun… well then that was all part of the Master Plan. "I promise I'll _try_ not to ever leave you," he amends. I nod tearfully and allow him to drag me into his lap. Normally, being babied like this is not something I'd allow, even for him. But in this case… I want nothing more than to feel his strong arms around me. Even if it's only platonic.

"Can I talk now?" he asks gently with a smile.

I look at him and nod my head.

"When you looked at me… when the sniper took out Gitano, and you were crying… I wanted nothing more than to hold you in my arms… Hold you and never let you go. Tell you everything would be okay. Never let you go and tell you… that I love you, Olivia. More than life. That's why I put you ahead of the job. Because I thought I was going to lose you and I can't think about my life without you. It just hurts too damn much."

"You love me?" I squeak.

"Yeah. Yeah I do."

I can't help the grin that spreads across my face.

"You okay with that?" he asks.

"Of course," I smile.

"You gonna kiss me or just sit here and grin?"

I grin wider and press my lips against his. His mouth opens slightly and I slide my tongue inside. I shift on his lap so I'm straddling his thighs. I keep kissing him while I rock my hips into his. He groans into my mouth.

"I can't believe…"

"What, honey? What can't you believe?" I ask as I rock my hips into his again.

"I can't believe I almost died and never got to do this," he says with a smile.

"Not funny, El," I say, my eyes tearing up again.

"I'm sorry, baby. You're right. I'm sorry." He brings my mouth back down to his and kisses me gently. As he's kissing me, he stands up from the couch and heads toward my bedroom. I wrap my legs around his waist, my arms already around his shoulders, digging into the muscles there. When we get to my room, he crawls up on the bed with me still wrapped around him. I let my legs drop to the side, my lips never leaving his. "Sit up a minute," he says. I sit up and he tugs at the hem of my – his – sweatshirt, pulling it off over my head. He sucks in a breath at the sight of my bare body in front of him and places a gentle kiss on my breast. I thread the fingers of one hand through his hair, holding him in place, while attempting to push my track pants down with the other. He grins at me and tries to help.

"You need to get nakeder," I request.

"Is that a word?" he teases.

"Does it matter?" I sigh.

"No, no I guess it doesn't."

We manage to free me from the binding of the navy track pants and in a true team effort, go to work on his light blue tee shirt. I push it up his body, raking my fingernails over his abs and chest the whole way. He reaches behind his head and pulls the shirt off, leaving himself exposed to me. I plant soft, wet kisses on his chest while I reach down to attempt to get him out of his jeans. Again, with a little help from him, I succeed. No longer busied with the task of getting naked, his fingers trip down my body to my wet slit. He slides two fingers inside me and I groan at the penetration. "Real deal," I request brokenly.

He smiles at me and pulls his fingers out of my body. Reaching between us, I help him guide himself into my heat. He holds for just a second to give me a chance to adjust to his size. No wonder he's such a cocky son of a bitch. He's got a pretty_ big_ reason.

He slides back out of me, just enough to make me think he's going to pull completely out and then he slams back home again. "Elliot," I groan.

"Love you," he replies.

"I love you," I say, kissing his lips gently. He's thrusting slowly in and out of me and it's now that I realize… no one has ever made love to me before. I've had sex. I've screwed. I've fucked and been fucked. But this is the first time, in my whole life, any man has ever cared about me the way Elliot does. Cared about me enough to make love to me. This realization puts me right on the edge of my orgasm, and with one more thrust from the gorgeous man who brought me to the realization, I'm coming.

He's right behind me, swearing my name like a prayer. "Olivia."

"I love you," I whisper, a fresh batch of tears in my eyes.

He rolls to his back, bringing me with him and I snuggle my head into the crook of his neck. I feel the vibration of his voice as he says, "I love you too, sweetheart. So much." I feel a tear drop onto his skin and he tips my chin up to look in my eyes. When I gaze into his clear blue eyes, the love and tenderness I see reflected there is enough to make the tears fall freely.

"Tears again? How come, baby?" he asks.

"Different tears," I say. "Good ones," I finish with a smile and a small sniffle.

"I love you, Olivia."

"I love you too, Elliot."

--

A/N: Okay, so a little shorter and not as graphically smutty as the rest of this weekend's stories… but seriously, after the end of all that crap? You know they wouldn't just be going at it like crazy, they'd be all sweet and lovey and all that mushy jazz. : ) Anyway, let me know what you thought! I know it wasn't as HOTT, but still good right? XO, KJ


	6. Annhilated

A/N: Okay, so who besides me and Rach was pretending that was SO not Kathy last night? Grr to you Dick Wolf. Grr. Also, am I the only one who'd still rather watch this episode a million times than see him kiss the frizzy haired witch on "Underbelly?" Thought so. On the bright side, you know Dick doesn't want his house burned down, so he'll put Elliot and Liv together by the end of the series. He can't possibly be that stupid. Here's another chappy of Need though, just cuz we um, need it. Ha.

Disclaimer: Only my overactive imagination belongs to me. Unfortunately for the rest of us.

--

He looked like hell when I saw him this morning. It scared me, because I know the only times I've ever seen him like this are the times he's almost killed someone in interrogation. Or wanted to. Jesus Christ. I can't concentrate on anything, so I get up from my desk and go to Cragen's office and knock on the door.

"Liv. What's up?" he asks.

"I'm going to go check on Elliot. Call me if you need anything?" I say.

Captain Cragen nods his head. "You got it. Make sure he's okay."

"I will," I reply, turning and heading for the door.

I head downstairs to my unmarked SUV and slide into the driver's seat. I slide my sunglasses on as I back out of my parking space. Navigating the streets of the city I love, I decide to head to my apartment first to grab a couple DVD's to take to Elliot's.

When I get to my building I key my way in the front door, jogging up the three flights of stairs to my floor. When I turn the corner, I see him sitting by my door and instantly my heart's thumping a heavy staccato in my throat. He looks so… broken.

"Hi," he says quietly.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, my heart slowing to a normal pace.

"Would you believe I knew you'd come looking for me?" he asks, a lopsided smile on his face.

I shake my head.

"How about I just needed to be somewhere safe?"

I nod. That I could buy. I slide down the wall to sit next to him. "Safe from what, El?"

"Me."

"What happened?" I ask gently.

"Can we go inside?" he asks. "Or do you really want to discuss this on the floor in the hallway?"

"Of course," I stand and reach my hand down to drag him to his feet. Unlocking the door, I push it open so we can go inside my apartment. Once we're in, I grab a couple bottles of water from the fridge and motion for him to sit on the couch. "What happened?"

"Where do you want me to start?" he asks.

"How about the beginning?" I ask gently.

"Easier said than done," he replies.

"What happened when you left the Royces' last night?"

"I went to check on my kids," he says quietly.

"Okay…" I know there's something he's not telling me already.

"And Kathy asked me to stay. But I couldn't," he finishes softly.

"Why not?" I ask, even though I'm already praying for an answer that I don't know he'll have for me.

"It would be like cheating."

"Cheating?"

"On you."

"El, we're not… like that."

"I know. But I… I want us to be."

"What about work? The guys? IAB? You remember, that bunch of pricks dying to get rid of _both_ of us right now?"

"I don't know," he says honestly. "But I have to tell you what else happened."

"Okay."

"When I was on my way out, O'Halloran called me. I went back over to the crime scene… and… it didn't match, Liv."

"What didn't?"

"Royce said that Lindsay tried to kill him."

"Right…"

"The trajectory of the bullet… Royce lied, Liv. He shot himself and blamed it on Lindsay."

"Oh my God."

He nods. "I know. So I went to the hospital to ask him about it, and he wasn't there. He was up on the roof. I… I went up there, and I thought he was going to jump."

"But?"

"I talked him down. And handcuffed him. And took him in," he says with a shrug.

"Did you get your confession?" I ask.

"Um, yeah. It uh, wasn't… very…"

"Ethical?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"There seems to be a lot of that going around lately," I deadpan, referring to my own anger management issues of the past few weeks.

He smiles that winsome grin at me and my resolve melts a little.

"So what happened?"

"I was trying to lead him… and I talked about having been married over twenty years… and how the feelings can just… change. And how sometimes… you meet someone… and I know exactly what I told him… I said 'you meet another woman and she makes you feel so alive…' and I… I was talking about you," he says.

My heart flat-out melts at this. "Then what happened?" I ask, taking his hand in mine.

"Uh, well… Captain tried to pull me out. And I, um, I barricaded the door."

"You WHAT?!"

"Yeah."

"Okay…"

"And then… remember how I said I learned how to do that neck-snap thing in the corps?"

"Oh, God, Elliot. You didn't."

"No. The bastard's still alive. But I was damn tempted. I let him go as soon as he confessed."

"You better pray you didn't leave any marks on him," I whisper.

"I know. I have no idea what Cragen's going to do either. I don't want to think about it. I just want… I need…… to be here. With you."

"You're here. You're safe, baby," I say, the term of endearment rolling off my tongue very naturally. I cradle his head to my chest and smile softly as I kiss his receding hairline. It feels good to be the one comforting him for once. Usually it's the other way around.

He pulls back for a minute and stares at me.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing," he smiles.

"No, seriously. What?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"What is this, seventh grade?" I ask, rolling my eyes. "You don't have to ask."

He leans toward me, millimeters from my face, our breath mingling. For just a second, he doesn't move. "So… ya gonna do it or what?" I ask with a grin.

"Yeah. Yeah I am," he replies. And then his lips are on mine and I think I might die. It's that feeling of… not really accomplishment, but when you're a little kid and you're looking forward to a trip to Disneyland for months, and it feels like you've waited your whole life and then the day arrives when you get to finally get on the plane. You're on the plane and it's like all the waiting you've done has been so totally worth it. Because you're finally going to Disneyland.

His hands are around my waist, shifting me to his lap. I swing my leg over his thighs so we're facing each other, our mouths still fused together. I rest my arms on his shoulders, my fingers sifting through his short dark hair. He rocks his erection up into the heat of me, and I grind back into him. I feel him smile against my mouth. "You like that?" he asks.

I would like very much to be able to answer him, but I can only groan a response. He reaches between us to the hem of my sweater, pulling it up my body, flames running over the skin he leaves in his wake. I allow him to pull back for a second while he whips the sweater over my head, leaving me on his lap in a lacy hot pink and black bra.

"Nice," he says with an appreciative smile.

"I like girly underwear," I say with a shrug.

"Me too," he teases. I slant my mouth back over his and resume kissing him. His hands burn a trail up my back to the clasp of my bra and he unhooks it. Shrugging out of it, I crush my breasts to his chest, shamelessly rubbing against the slight friction of his cotton dress shirt. In the minute space between us, I begin undoing the little white buttons on the black shirt. My fingers caress the skin beneath with every button I manage to undo. I get to the bottom and reach back up to push it off his shoulders. He shrugs out of it and tosses it somewhere behind me. He shifts me to my back on the couch and begins trailing tiny kisses down my torso. It's been a long damn time since I've just laid on the couch and made out with someone, and I am enjoying the hell out of all the attention. I feel a smile cross my lips as he kisses a circle around my belly button. His hands go to the double button clasp of my grey dress pants and he manages to get the buttons undone and the zipper down. He reaches under the waistband of my hot pink and black lacy boy shorts and stops.

"Hello?" I ask.

"What?" he teases.

"Stopping is not an option, right now."

"Oh really? Little fired up are we, detective?" he asks. He strokes a finger into my core and chuckles at the wetness he finds there. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Elliot," I breathe.

"What?"

"You're such a tease."

"Me? Who's wearing hot pink and black underwear here?" he asks as he pushes another finger inside me.

"Me. But I wouldn't be if you'd just take them off me and stop being such a tease."

"I didn't know you were this demanding," he says, kissing the teasing grin off my mouth.

"You hoped."

He laughs again, a sound I don't hear nearly as often as I'd like to anymore. I love his laugh. And his smile. And his eyes. And his arms. And… him.

I reach between us and flick open the button of his black jeans and slide the zipper down. I attempt to slide the jeans far enough down his hips to free his erection to perhaps convince him to put it somewhere. Two fingers of one hand are still stroking inside me while he's trying to balance his weight above me with the other.

"If you'd let me be on top you'd have use of both of your hands," I offer.

He looks down at me and raises one eyebrow. That look of his has always been my biggest turn-on and I know it's not a secret anymore because he can feel my walls clench around his fingers.

"A tease _and_ a control freak. What am I going to do with you, Liv?" he asks.

"Are you looking for suggestions?" I stroke him quickly and firmly, distracting him long enough to attempt to switch our positions. My attempt is not exactly futile, but it does land us on the floor with a soft _thud_. I lay my head on his chest with a giggle. "Oops."

He smiles up at me and says, "floor is fine by me."

I manage to shimmy out of my pants and underwear, his still sitting low on his thighs, his dick on full display. I straddle him, managing to be in control for only a second before he picks me up and sheathes himself inside me. I grin and lean back, resting my hands on his thighs for leverage. He surges up into me and I nearly lose my mind instantly. "Elliot," I groan.

"Wow," he responds, bucking up again. "If I'd known how sexy that sounded, we would have done this so much sooner." His response to his own name on my lips only serves to turn me on more and I say it louder this time. "Oh, Elliot."

He rolls me to my back again, nearly banging his head on the coffee table in the process. He pulls nearly all the way out and slams back into me. "Scream it," he begs. "I don't care what the neighbors think. Scream it as loud as you want," he whispers, his breath tickling my ear as he pushes into me again. He reaches between us and pushes his thumb against my clit, somehow knowing that the pressure will blow me apart.

"ELLIOT," I shriek, my hips surging forward, bucking up into him so hard I think it might bruise. My head thrashes on the floor and I feel like I'm drowning. I manage to pull myself out of the current, and as I come back to life, he's kissing me softly, his tongue tracing patterns against mine. He's still nestled inside of me, his dick not wanting to give up its warm haven.

"I think I could get used to needing you," he says with a smile.

"Whenever you want."

--

A/N: Yay! Finally some smut! Not very dirty smut, but smut all the same. I already have three more chapter ideas for need – Risk (the undercover one – with the blow in the baby formula cans), Florida, and Contagious (after the bday party… mwhahaha). So be good girls and R&R this one and I'll see if I can't maybe get one or two of those up – let me know in your review which one you'd like to see!  XO, Kinsey


	7. Loophole

A/N: Who was watching Loophole with me on USA tonight? I decided there needed to be a chappy of need for this one and Rach gave me an idea so here you go! By the way, obviously they weren't in the hospital at the same time, but just go with me on this! R and R XOX, Kinsey

Disclaimer: Only my overactive imagination is mine.

--

I hate hospitals. Not so much because of their clinical hospital-y ness, or the itchy backless gowns, but because the drugs don't agree with me. It's not that they make me sick. They don't make me swell up or give me hives. They make me fucking delirious. I have the craziest thoughts and dreams. Well, I guess they aren't that crazy, they're just… uh… I have porn dreams. About my partner. Elliot Stabler. Yeah. Completely inappropriate. But I can't help it. He's so amazing. Blue eyes, brown hair, arms I'd kill to be wrapped in… and an ass you could bounce a quarter off of. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. About him. About what I'd like to do to him. About what I'd like him to do to me. I don't even care that I'm in a hospital bed delirious from a combination of whatever I breathed in that apartment and the drugs they pumped in to me to keep me on this side of that bright white light. If he was here right now, I'd have him naked and tangled in these hospital-issued sheets before Munch could say conspiracy theory.

"Olivia," he whispers in my head. "Baby. Liv…"

I groan unconsciously, wanting him to be there for real, knowing he _is_ there for real, down the hall being observed for the severe lacerations caused by that drugged out freak Cupid throwing him through a window at the precinct. Knowing all I'd have to do is sneak down the hall and into his bed. Just the thought nearly makes me laugh, we're partners! Something like that would never happen in real life. So I'll have to save it for my fantasy collection.

His fingers trail delicately up my spine, tripping along the ridges of my vertebrae. I allow myself to melt a little into his embrace, my eyes closed tightly so as not to awaken and discover the reality of being alone.

"Kiss me, Olivia," he begs. I roll to my back and pull him down over me, our mouths melding in a passionate kiss. It's even better than in my dreams. But something about it is different. Pushing the thought aside, I deepen the kiss, sliding my tongue into his mouth to tease him.

"I needed you," I admit. "I needed your hands on my body," I admit. I rest my hands over his chest, and I can't get over how real he feels.

"I'm here now," he growls low enough to startle me awake.

"Elliot? What – Wha—What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I came to say hi, see how you were holding up. You were writhing around groaning my name. I was just trying to help," he says this with an innocent grin on his face, but I know he's nothing but trouble.

"There are about thirty thousand things wrong with this, Stabler," I warn. I'm trying to sound serious, but I'm still so hot and achy it's all I can do not to whip my gown over my head and beg him to fuck me.

"Like what?" he asks.

"We're in a hospital, for one," I say.

"Door's locked," he counters.

"You're still weak from earlier," I attempt.

"Surprisingly enough, I've never felt better," he teases.

"Uh… you interrupted my fantasy," I offer lamely.

"You've got me there. I did interrupt your fantasy with the real thing. I'm a pretty horrible person," he says sarcastically.

I roll my eyes. "We're partners," I finish. This is always the kicker. This is what has always kept me from making a move.

"Yet another reason why we seem to work so well together," he grins, trailing kisses down my neck. He tugs at the top of the blue dotted gown I'm wearing to lick a trail to my breasts. I arch my back involuntarily and my eyes slide shut again. "I take it you're done complaining," he asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

"You're _sure_ the door's locked," I ask.

"Door's locked and I passed your nurse's aide on my way in. They won't be back to bother us for quite awhile," he grins.

"El, this has to be a one-time thing," I say, still trying to keep a wall up around me.

"Liv, with us, it'll never be a one-time thing."

I concede his point with a nod.

"Now will you please shut up so I can kiss you?"

I relax back into the pillows with a grin. "Do what you've gotta do, Detective," I say.

He comes at me with a growl, his lips crashing into mine with a ferocity I've always known he possessed. A man as intense as Elliot wouldn't be one to be lazy in bed any more than he is in interrogation. Our tongues tangle and I can feel his erection grow heavier and hotter against my leg. I shift so he comes to rest between my thighs and I sigh happily. I slide my fingers into the short dark hair at the back of his neck and grip his head tightly. I don't want to ever lose contact with his lips. But soon after, I do, as he moves to press hot kisses to my throat. His fingers drift across my thigh and sneak under the paper-thin gown I'm wearing.

"What is it with people and not wearing underwear under these things?" he asks after he finds me wet to his touch.

"Do you make a _habit_ of seducing women in hospitals, Detective Stabler?" I ask dryly.

"Only the sexy ones," he says.

"That's comforting, thank you," I groan.

"You didn't let me finish. "The sexy ones. With big brown eyes I could get lost in. And soft brown curls I love tangling my fingers in. And faded scars to remind me how much they mean to me," he says, gently kissing the scar I earned from Gitano's knife. "And a body," he begins again, pumping a finger against my clit. "So smoking," he continues, curling a second finger against my G-spot. "that I think I might spontaneously combust whenever she looks at me."

"Well that narrows it down," I try to say it sarcastically, but my voice betrays me and cracks slightly.

"Sure does," he replies. "Narrows it right down to Olivia Benson."

"What if she doesn't want you to seduce her?" I ask.

"What would she prefer?" he grins.

"She'd prefer it if you'd please fuck her," I groan. The dirty word catches him off guard and his fingers bump against my g-spot, making me groan louder. "Oh, Elliot."

"Shhh," he whispers. "The walls in this place are still paper-thin, so unless you want some doctor busting in here because you sound like you're getting killed, try to keep it down just a little," he advises. "But when I get you home, I'll have you screaming like a banshee in no time."

"I might have to dig my nails in to your back to keep from screaming," I warn.

"Scratch me all you want baby. Draw blood, leave bruises, I'll wear all the marks you put on my body with pride." His thumb swipes my clit and I'm doing just that, my short, manicured nails digging into his lower back right above his ass. My hips buck up into his hand and I know he can feel the wetness coating his fingers.

"El. I want you in me when I come," I beg.

"Which time?" he asks. That question itself is nearly enough to send me over the edge, but I want to stave off the orgasm as long as I can. I tighten my muscles against his fingers and his eyes widen as he kisses me deeply. "I don't suppose they keep condoms in the nightstand here," he asks, the realization of no protection hitting him suddenly.

"Don't worry about it. I'm still on the pill," I say, but for a moment, the idea of being heavy and swollen with his baby dances through my mind. I can honestly say I wouldn't mind if I got pregnant. It would force us to make some changes, that's for sure, but I love Elliot, and I know on some level he loves me. We'd be okay parents, right? "Elliot, I'm done screwing around. I want you inside me. Now," I order. He grins at me and shifts so he's poised at my entrance. He thrusts in and almost as soon as he's there, I'm coming. "Ohhhhhhhhh, El," I groan. "Don't stop, baby. I love it, I want it so bad, El."

He thrusts in and out quickly, our tongues dueling for control and mimicking what's going on under the sheets. He thrusts in so hard one last time, I think I'm going to break in half. I come again, this time, taking his hand and pulling him over the edge with me. He buries his face between my breasts in order to squelch his screams a little bit.

When he comes back down, he pulls me into his embrace tightly and kisses the top of my head.

"I love you," he whispers when he thinks I'm asleep. I trail my fingernails lightly on his muscular forearm.

"I love _you,_" I grin, kissing his chest softly.

--

A/N: Yay! Kinseysmut! Hope you liked! Please forgive any suckiness, it's 3 am! I love you guys! Let me know if it was good!


	8. Pretend

A/N: So "Pretend" was on the other night. The first night it was on, we were discussing the scene at the end where Elliot and Liv came in and sorta looked like they were just coming back from having sex. She looks very glowy and relaxed and he looks… anxious to get back to it. Hee hee! Anyway, Dick Wolf called me and he said they totally were having sex but he forgot to add that scene. Stupid Dick Wolf. Sigh. He said I could go ahead and write it up for you guys. Wasn't that nice of him? BY THE WAY. When you're done R&Ring it up for me, go read "Words" by CocaCola1052. It's on the main SVU page and it ROCKS. Sooo (ten o's) great and barely any reviews. Read it! I love it and you will too! All the chaps are short drabbles, but it's all fitting together beautifully. So. Your task: read this. review it. Go read words. Review it. K? K. XO, Kinsey

Disclaimer: Only my overactive imagination belongs to me!

--

I flipped my phone shut and glanced over at my partner, barefoot and naked save for a pair of Levi's, his hands folded behind his head, relaxed on my bed. "Cragen. He says those photos came in. He wants us to get them and take them over to Casey."

"What did you tell him?" Elliot asked, sucking in a breath as I flipped a leg over his hips and straddled his thighs.

"That Lizzie forgot her soccer cleats at your house and we had to run them to her in Queens. But most importantly that we were in Queens."

"But, Liv," he began innocently. "You _lied_ to Captain Cragen. We aren't in Queens an hour away from the precinct. We're in your apartment. Ten _minutes_ from the station."

"Whatever shall we do with our extra fifty minutes?" I asked, just as innocently, rocking into his erection gently.

"That's a start," he said with a cocky grin. "I'm glad you lied. I have wanted to do this for too fuckin' long," he groaned.

Oh, me too. Literally and metaphorically.

This case has been stressing us both out, I get so frustrated with perps who lie to my face. For the love, if you're going to lie to me, at least lie about something I can't check on. And El… he just gets frustrated, period anymore. Since the divorce he's been testy. We were standing in the squad room when I sucked it up and made the suggestion…

"_God DAMMIT!" I jump at the frustration in the voice that had broken the silence in the squad room._

"_El, maybe we need to get out of here. Let's go for a walk. Or go to my place and watch a movie. Or…" he glances up at me when I trail off._

"_Or?" he says._

"_We could, uh, go to my place and… not… watch a movie…"_

"_Are you asking me…"_

"_Good way to burn off steam. Fun way to take out your frustration."_

"_Should we really do that?" he asks, a slight grin tugging at the corners of his mouth._

"_Well I'm game. I'm going downstairs to the Navigator. I'll wait a few minutes." I rise from my chair and walk behind him, trailing my fingers along his shoulders. "And if you come down within five minutes… we'll go from there."_

_I swing my hips as I make my way to the stairs, my coat slung over my shoulder, a white-knuckle grip on the handles of my coach bag. Did I seriously just proposition my partner?_

_I'm holding my breath as I feel footsteps behind me. I glance over my shoulder and he's right on my heels, his leather jacket in his hand, a determined look on his face. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from grinning like Lindsay Lohan with a bag of blow. "taking me up on my offer, detective?"_

"_You bet your sexy ass," he replies._

_I break at least six laws on the ten minute drive to my apartment. I can't wait to have him naked underneath me. Or to be naked underneath him. Whichever. Right now I'm not feeling exactly particular. _

_I swing my SUV into my parking space, launching myself out of the vehicle and hitting the door lock button until the car honks at me. Elliot reaches over and laces his fingers through mine as we're practically sprinting for the front door of my building. I give his hand a squeeze and he smiles. "Sure about this?" he asks._

"_You bet your sexy ass," I tease._

_He grins and pulls me closer, needing the contact. We get in the building and I hit the button for the elevator. I tap my foot impatiently, waiting for the car to show up so we can take it to the seventh floor. After what feels like years, the elevator gets to us and the doors slide open, slower than I ever remember them opening before. Luckily for us, the car is empty. We step inside and Elliot hits the button to close the doors before anyone else can get in. Our hands are still clasped tightly together and he gives mine a tug. I fall into his arms willingly, and suddenly his lips are on mine and I'm in heaven. Or at least taking the elevator there. My mouth opens on a sigh and he slides his tongue inside. I melt a little at the intimate contact and I can't wait to get upstairs. Just as this thought is crossing my mind, the elevator dings for my floor. I pry myself out of Elliot's arms and he straightens my jacket and sweater, kissing me chastely on the lips. I tentatively take his hand again, pulling him from the elevator and heading for my apartment._

_When we get there, I fumble with the key for a second before Elliot takes it from my hand, slides it in the lock and gives it a twist, the door swinging open easily. He grabs me into his embrace and slams the door shut behind us. My bag and coat are forgotten as soon as I drop them on the bench inside the door. He pulls me flush against his body and his mouth crashes down on mine. I murmur my encouragement and sift his short dark hair through my fingers as I hold his head to mine._

"_Liv," he groans._

"_More," I respond, grinding my hips into his._

_He grinds right back as he keeps on kissing me. I push his leather jacket off his shoulders and fumble with the hem of his tee shirt. He lets me tear our lips apart for a second to pull the shirt off over his head, but crushes them right back together as soon as the shirt hits the floor. He stumbles out of his shoes and toes his socks off, clad only in an amazing pair of Levis and a grin._

"_You're wearing too many clothes," he mumbles, tugging at the button on my jeans. He pushes them down my thighs and grins. "You are too sexy for words," he says, eliciting a blush from me._

"_Thanks," I smile. I backtrack as well as my half-off jeans will allow, kicking off my sandals and wiggling the rest of the way out of my jeans. When I feel my knees hit the edge of my bed, I switch our positions and push him down so he's in a sitting position and I'm straddling his thighs. He strokes his hands up my thighs softly and smiles. _

"_I could touch you all day," he says._

"_So do it," I grin._

_My phone rings, jarring me out of this moment. Elliot falls back to the bed, no doubt cursing the same God I am right now._

"_Benson," I answer shortly._

"_Olivia. It's Don. The pictures of those boys came in for the Pickering case. You and Elliot get over here and get them and take them over to Novak. See if Cassan- Loret- Deni- whatever the hell her name is has anything she'd like to tell us now."_

"_Got it, Cap. Real quick though, we're out in Queens. Lizzie forgot her soccer cleats so we had to run them out. We'll be back as quick as we can."_

"_I don't want to see your face any later than 4, Benson." I glance at my watch and see that it's three now. Plenty of time._

"_That's fine. We'll see you then," I agree, flipping my phone shut._

Elliot surges his hips against mine. "You're burning daylight, Detective," he teases.

"Sorry," I grin. "Where were we?" His hand sneaks between us and he slides a finger under my lacy green boy shorts to find me wet and willing.

"I'd say right about here," he grins, adding another finger and stroking me senseless.

"Elliot," I moan.

"C'mon, Liv. Not much time," he says, curling his fingers in a come hither motion and thumbing my oversensitive clit.

"Right there baby. Right fucking there," I babble as my head drops back, my hair trailing between my shoulder blades. I push against his hand, reaching for my orgasm. He thrusts his fingers in one more time and draws them out slowly, pinching my clit softly which effectively blows me to bits. I shake and shudder, the muscles in my thighs vibrating so hard I know I wouldn't be able to stand if I wanted to.

"Thanks," I mutter with a grin, sliding my hands into his jeans after I flick open the button and pull down the zipper tab.

"Any time. I have recently come to the realization that seeing you cum cursing my name is my favorite past time."

"really?" I ask. "Good time?" he nods. "Let me try," I request with a naughty grin, sliding off of his lap.

"What've you got planned, devil woman?" he asks with a grin.

"Nothing much," I shrug innocently, pulling my sweater and tee shirt off over my head. He pushes himself up on his elbows, which, between all the tight muscle and impressive erection is quite a beautiful sight.

I flick the clasp on my bra and my breasts tumble free. Elliot swallows hard, his erection growing a little at his first sight of my naked skin.

"You are so beautiful," he mumbles in a whisper.

"Yeah, yeah. You're gonna get in my pants, Stabler. No reason for lines."

"Not a line. You're amazing," he says reverently. And I think I believe him. I climb next to him on the bed, straddling his thighs a little farther down. He reaches up and brushes his fingers over my super sensitive nipple and I groan.

"My turn," I smile. I lean forward slightly and take him in my mouth, instantly loving the feel of him there. I trail my fingernails over his thighs and he groans from somewhere near the headboard.

"Liv. So. Close."

I lick delicately up his shaft, moving my head up and down, applying light pressure with my teeth.

"Olivia, I'm going to cum," he admits in a choked whisper. I ignore him and suck lightly on his shaft. One little nip with my teeth and he's gone. I swallow delicately until he's spent. I crawl up his body and kiss him passionately, the desire between us firing right back up. Who knew we needed each other this much?

"You didn't have to do that," he murmurs a second later, tracing patterns with the tips of his fingers on my back.

"I wanted to. Feel better?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"Your stress? Frustration? Gone?"

"Apparently, I completely forgot," he teases, both of us knowing that it was only a temporary memory loss.

"Good," I grin smugly. "Anytime you need… I'm here," I say.

He laughs lightly. "Hey, same goes. I'm an equal opportunity kinda guy." I smile at the thought of taking him up on the offer. _Hey, El, I'm stressed to the max. You mind?_

He glances at his watch. "We better get over to Casey," he says.

"Okay. Let me get my clothes back on and brush my teeth," I say with a smile.

Ten minutes later, I'm dressed, teeth brushed, my hair falling around my shoulders after Elliot talked me into leaving it down.

We ride back to the precinct in companionable silence, our fingers tangled together on his thigh. We go grab the pictures from Cragen and head to Casey's office. She's in there with Denise, and another woman whom she'd described to me the night before on the phone as Denise's first foster mother. I sit down and talk to the young woman, asking her about the boys in the pictures. I know her expressionless face when she told me that the boys had grown up and she hadn't will be burned into my memory. After she's led into custody for the stat rape charges, and her former foster mother leaves, Casey, Elliot and I are alone in Casey's office.

"Well, ladies, I think I'm going to run back to the office and get a few things caught up. Liv? You want to grab some take out later? Maybe rent a movie?" he asks with a grin.

"I'd like that," I can't help the grin that forms on my face in return, hoping it isn't pathetically obvious how hard I've fallen for this man.

"Okay. Stop at the station house when you're done here?" he asks, bracing his hands against the doorframe.

"Sure," I agree, blushing furiously. He grins at me and turns to go.

"Bye Case," he says.

"Bye, Elliot," she returns with an eye roll and an exaggerated waggle of her fingertips.

"What was that about?" I ask her once he's left.

"What?" she asks defensively. I waggle my fingers and roll my eyes just as she had.

"Oh please, Liv. Some best friend you are."

"What?!"

"Don't DO that! It isn't fair?"

"Don't do what?!"

"Come into my office looking freshly fucked when you KNOW I'm not getting any!" she nearly screams.

I burst into giggles, collapsing on the couch. "Well _technically,_ we didn't have sex," I admit.

"Oh for the love. I hate you," she says, shaking her head.

"It's a great way to burn off energy and stress," I comment. "Maybe you should try it some time. With, oh, I dunno. John maybe?" I tease. Judging by the blush creeping up her cheeks, I know I'm not the only one with R-rated stress release tactics.

"I hate you," she giggles.

I push myself up from the couch. "Where are you going?" she asks.

"To remove the _technically_ from my previous statement," I say with a grin, waggling my fingers at her as I walk out the door.

--

A/N: Well? Again, written at oh-real-early in the morning. No flames, after the icky day I had, my ego thanks you. I promise, there is more in your future, I just had to get this one down. I think my muse is BACK!!  XO, Kinsey


	9. Informed

A/N: I hadn't ever seen this whole episode – I didn't develop my obsession until later this season. But I got to thinking… what if Liv hadn't left without saying goodbye? Mwahaha! R&R! XO, Kinsey

Dedication: To Laura, for her faith in my smut capabilities! XO! And as always, my bitches! U kno who U R!

Disclaimer: Only my overactive imagination is mine!

--

Scrubbing a hand over his stubbled jaw, Elliot leaned back in his chair and stared blankly at the empty desk across from him. He knew from Cragen's cryptic answers to his questions that there had to be a reasonable explanation to Liv's sudden disappearance. But couldn't she have somehow managed to see him? Hell, even Alex had managed to say goodbye before she went into witness protection the first time! And he wasn't even in _love_ with Alex! Not that he was in love with Liv… oh fuck. No point in lying to himself this late in the game. He was completely gone on Olivia Benson… and now she was just completely gone. Fuck.

Elliot glanced around the empty squad room, suddenly realizing how late it was. Captain Cragen had even been gone for hours and he'd always wondered if his boss _ever_ went home. Guess he knew the answer to that burning question now. Not really wanting to go home to his empty house and too-tempting liquor cabinet at midnight, Elliot decided to catch a few z's up in the crib. He crossed the squad room and climbed the stairs slowly, his feet dragging up the steps. He was in the process of swinging open the door and loosening his tie when he spotted her.

"Liv."

Olivia could feel someone in the room with her. She rolled to her back and saw Elliot standing in the doorway, his hand on the knot in his tie. "Hi," she whispered. She had to smile at the deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. The poor guy. She'd told Starr and Cragen that she couldn't leave without saying goodbye to her best friend. They'd both vehemently opposed it, but being the strong-willed woman she was, she vowed to find a way to see him. She knew him well enough to know he wouldn't go home tonight. He'd crash upstairs, and when he came trudging into the crib, she'd be waiting. Simply to say goodbye, if nothing else. But she was pretty sure she knew him better than that too.

"Hi," he replied tentatively. "What's going on?"

She smiled and sat up, motioning for him to take the bunk across from her.

"Well," she began, swallowing thickly, "while you were in this hospital recovering from an encounter of the Starr Morrison kind," he gave her a grim smile, "I infiltrated."

Elliot's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates and he let out a breath neither of them realized he'd been holding. "Shit, Liv," he said.

She smiled softly. "I know. It's a really long story, but I'm 'jumping bail' tonight as Persephone James," she made air quotes around the words jumping bail, "and then I'm gone," she shrugged.

"For how long?" Elliot asked. Her heart constricted tightly at the look on his face.

"Don't know," she whispered, standing and walking to the window to look out on the city she loved. She felt her best friend and the love of her life walk up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. She sucked in a deep breath and turned to face him. She smiled softly and cupped his jaw. "I just couldn't go without telling you goodbye. I had to make sure you knew it wasn't your fault I was leaving."

"C'mere," he smiled at her and wrapped her into a hug.

She let the warmth of his embrace wash over her for a moment while she rested her head on his shoulder. She pulled back a bit and kissed his throat gently, moving slowly up his jawline, pressing tiny kisses against the scruffy 5 o'clock shadow.

"Liv," he groaned.

"Hmm?" she asked, enjoying the heat of him in front of her and the fact that she was capable of rendering him nearly speechless, her name the only word he could form.

"How much time – when do you--"

"I leave in the morning. Six am flight," she replied, pulling out of his embrace to look at him. He cleared his throat and looked her square in the eye.

"Spend the night with me."

She looked surprised at his request and for a moment, he was proud of himself. Apparently he hid his deep affection for her better than he thought. But in the next moment, he was embarrassed and a little ashamed – he shouldn't have been so forward.

"Or, you know, we could go to the diner and get a slice of pie. Or, uh, go to Maloney's and get a beer, or um, stay her and hang out," he stammered.

Olivia grinned a siren's smile. "Shut up and take me home."

"Just to clarify," Elliot began hesitantly. Olivia placed a single finger over his lips. "_Your_ home, El."

"Okay then," Elliot grinned like a teenage boy who'd been offered his first trip into the back seat with the head cheerleader.

Olivia grabbed her bag off the floor next to the bed and smiled at Elliot's outstretched hand.

"Ready?" he asked eagerly. She nodded and laced her fingers through his.

"What about your apartment and stuff? What about the Nav?" he asked, referring to her prized Lincoln Navigator.

"Well… I was guardedly optimistic that you'd keep an eye on the apartment," she looked up at him and smiled sweetly. He laughed and pulled her to him, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, their hands still clasped tightly.

"How could I say not to that face?" he asked. "But what about the Nav? I don't want your plates to get run wherever you are and your cover to be blown," he explained.

"Why would my plates get run?" she asked.

"Ever ridden in a vehicle with yourself?" Elliot teased.

Olivia scoffed in offense but then chewed her lip thoughtfully. "Good point," she conceded. "Got any ideas?" she asked. He considered for a second and she poked him in the ribs. "I'm _kidding_. Starr's hooking me up. We'll have a vehicle registered to Persephone for all intents and purposes, _and_ I'm going to try to lay off the Mario Andretti driving," she explained. "But Starr said she's not sure where to store my baby."

Elliot gently kissed the top of her head. "I'll take it up to the cabin tomorrow. I've got storage space up there."

"Thanks, El," she stopped and turned to face him in the parking garage next to his Chevy Tahoe. "You always take such good care of me," she said softly.

"Well why don't you hop in and I'll take you home. Where I plan to take _extremely_ good care of you," he smiled, kissing her gently.

"Sounds good, she grinned, sliding in once he'd opened the door for her.

"In?" he asked, and she nodded with a smile as he slammed the door tightly.

Olivia smiled at Elliot as he jogged around the front of his SUV and climbed in on the driver's side. It always amazed her: the powerful grace his body possessed. When he was driving a car, hugging his kids, chasing a perp, kissing her, interrogating a perp, kissing her, shooting a gun, kissing her… she wanted to investigate that one a little farther. She blushed a deep crimson as he glanced at her. "What?" he asked with a lazy grin.

"Nothing," she smiled and blushed harder. He reached over and and twined their fingers together again, letting their hands come to rest on his thigh. "What's going on behind those pretty brown eyes?" he asked.

Olivia teared up slightly at his sweet sentiment. Wasn't it just her luck that they'd finally gotten their shit together and she'd have to leave? She pushed the thought from her mind and tried to stay in the now. "Just thinking about how sexy you are," she grinned.

"Me too, what a coincidence," Elliot replied.

"Pretty high opinion of yourself, there, Stabler," she teased.

"That's not what I--" he started, then spotted her teasing grin. "You know what I mean," he said, giving her hand a squeeze.

"I do," she smiled warmly. "Thanks."

He grinned at her and squeezed her hand again, an obnoxious honk from behind them catching his attention.

"Light's green," Olivia mentioned.

"You distracted me," he chided.

"Oh really?"

"Really. I'll be over here thinking of a way you can make it up to me," he said.

"I already thought of one," she teased.

He raised his eyebrows at her and turned his attention back to the road. Olivia relaxed in her seat and enjoyed the companionable silence between them. Her eyes drifted shut to the rhythm of Elliot's thumb stroking back and forth over hers.

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty," Elliot whispered several minutes later. Olivia stirred in her seat and opened her eyes to see Elliot standing at the open passenger side door.

"Hi," she whispered. He leaned in and kissed her, slowly and sweetly. "Why am I leaving again?" she asked, her eyes clouded with desire.

"Because you are the best damn cop in New York City, and the feds need you," Elliot answered simply.

"You know what _I_ need?" Olivia asked in a throaty whisper.

"What?" Elliot swallowed.

"You."

Elliot kissed her again and took her hand to pull her out of the vehicle. "Let's go," he whispered.

A few moments later, Olivia found herself standing in Elliot's living room while he rummaged around in the kitchen. "Want something to drink? Eat?"

She shook her head in the negative and glanced at the clock on the VCR. "El? Don't take this the wrong way, but I have to leave for the airport in five hours. All I really want is to be with you."

"Why would I take that the wrong way?" Elliot smiled, closing the refrigerator door.

Olivia shrugged. "I just…"

Elliot crossed the room in three quick strides and wrapped her in his arms. "That's what I want too, baby. I want you to have some good memories when you're whiling away the hours with the feds. Maybe inspire you to come back to me," he pulled back for a second to throw her another grin. She loved his smile. The warmth that radiated from it, the teasing twinkle in his eye when it was directed at her. It warmed her to her core.

"I'd come back to you even without the memories," she smiled sadly, backing them to the bedroom door. "I just wish I knew when."

"Don't think about it. For the next five hours, all I want you to think about is us. And how much I love you," he whispered. Her eyes got huge and she nodded slowly, stepping over the threshold to the masculine room that spoke volumes about Elliot, from its dark cherry headboard to the picture of his kids mugging in a silver frame on the nightstand. There were so many things she loved about him. Her heart was so full she couldn't even find room for the sentiment to spill from her lips.

"Kiss me," she requested. The words were barely out of her mouth when his lips were slanting over hers and his tongue was begging for entrance. She speared her fingers through the soft dark hair at the nape of his neck, fingering the strands that were starting to gray a tiny bit on the edges. She wished she could wipe away the stress of the job that had caused them. She traced his hairline and trailed her fingers down his corded neck, scraping her nails delicately along the tanned flesh. Her fingers went to the knot in his tie and loosened it the rest of the way, pulling it free from his shirt collar and dropping it on the floor.

"That's going to take entirely too long," he groaned against her lips, pulling out of her embrace and stripping himself out of his shirt.

"You do it too fast," she complained, walking in a circle around him, kissing his crucifix tattoo on her way past.

"When you get home, I promise. I will let you take your sweet time. If it takes you hours and hours to get me naked… well, I might die of frustration, but I'll let you do it."

"I'm gonna hold you to that," Olivia said dryly.

"Fine by me," Elliot replied, his lips descending to hers again. He kissed her slowly, but so passionately she thought she might spontaneously combust from the heat he was putting out. She reached between them and undid his black leather belt, button and zipper, before shimmying out of her own navy and gold NYPD track pants.

He glanced down at her aqua blue lacy boy shorts. "Those are staying here," he claimed, pushing them off her hips and going to his knees to pull them off over her feet.

"You think so, huh?" she grinned.

"Yes, ma'am," he pulled open the nightstand drawer and tossed the panties inside before sliding it shut again.

Olivia threw her head back and laughed heartily. "You're crazy," she informed him.

"'Bout you," he smiled.

"You always know what to say," she grinned, standing up on her tiptoes to kiss him gently.

"Never say anything I don't mean. At least not to you," he amended. Her mind whirred quickly though images of all the banter they'd had over the eight years of their partnership, all the sexual innuendo, all the arguments that ended with her fantasizing about angrily shoving him up against the two-way and fucking the daylights out of him. The last image was the most recent, it was them standing just inside his bedroom door when he told her he loved her.

"You're an amazing man, Elliot Stabler," she marveled.

"So they say," he replied cockily.

"If not a little over confident," she responded with an eye roll.

"I can't touch how amazing you are, Liv. Not on my best day."

She shook her head. "That's not true, but I'm not going to argue with you about it. Make love to me Elliot. Build those memories so Persephone can keep a little piece of Liv with her."

Elliot scooped her into his arms and laid her gently back on the bed, but not before stripping her out of her hooded sweatshirt and blue heathered tee shirt. "Isn't that mine?" he asked.

"You have my panties in your nightstand drawer and you're going to play _that_ card with me?" she teased.

"Good point."

"But can I trade it so I have one that smells like you when I'm gone?"

"Liv you can clean out my tee shirt drawer if you want," he smiled, flicking open the clasp on her bra. He bent down; putting his weight on his forearms and gently took her nipple in his mouth. She arched her back, and speared her fingers through his hair again, holding his head to her chest. He kissed and nipped gently, alternating between her gorgeous breasts.

"Mmmm," Olivia groaned. "That's so… goooood," her eyes rolled back in her head as Elliot flicked his tongue back and forth rapidly over her nipples.

"You like that?" he asked, licking a trail down her abdomen, blowing softly on the wetness he left in his wake.

"So much," she panted heavily, her eyes still glued shut in ecstasy.

"Well then you're gonna love this," he replied, swiping his tongue through her folds.

"Unnnh-muh," she groaned incoherently.

Elliot smiled and lapped gently at her core, paying special attention to her clit. He glanced up at her to see her reaction and the sight made him even harder than he'd ever thought possible. Olivia's curls were wild around her angelic face and he knew he'd never get the image of her head thrashing back and forth between two pillows out of his head. Even sexier, though, her bottom lip was trapped between her teeth, and she palmed her breast roughly. He must have slowed his ministrations because the next thing he knew, she was commanding him in a whiny pant.

"C'mon, El. Please."

"You have no idea how fucking sexy you are right now," he asked, kissing a trail back up her body.

"Can't be half as sexy as you," she complimented in a choked whisper, running her hands over his toned chest and arms.

"Oh I don't know about that," he grinned, bringing his lips down to hers in a gentle kiss. While he was kissing her, his fingers blazed a trail back down to her wet entrance and he pushed two fingers inside, eliciting a surprised gasp from Olivia. "Okay?" he asked.

"Never better," she replied, kissing him just the way he wanted to be inside her: hot, wet, and deep.

Shifting his weight over her, he pulled his fingers out of her body and replaced them with his rock-hard dick, pulling yet another groan from the lovely Olivia.

"Yes, Elliot, oh my fucking lord yes!" Olivia groaned, bucking her hips into his, forcing his cock the rest of the way into her.

"C'mon, Livvie," he whispered, thrusting gently.

"Harder, El, c'mon baby," she whined.

Hearing her ask for what she wanted turned him on almost to the point of no return, nearly sucking his orgasm out of his body. He pumped into her a couple more times, until he could feel her muscles clamp down around him.

"Oh, Elliot," Olivia panted. "Right there baby."

Elliot pushed in as far as he could, Olivia's legs wrapped tightly around his back, her pelvis tipped up to him.

"Oh, fuck, Elliot," Olivia whined, her hair tangled around her face, her eyes squeezed shut as she bucked her hips into him and came forcefully.

Seeing the look on her face and feeling her nails dig into his hips pushed Elliot over the edge and he spilled his climax inside her.

Panting heavily, Olivia pressed a soft kiss to Elliot's shoulder, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. "That was amazing, honey," she whispered.

"I love you," Elliot whispered reverently.

Olivia's eyes clouded with tears. "I love you, too. I don't wanna leave," she smiled softly, a tear cascading down her cheek.

Elliot wiped it away with his thumb and kissed the spot it had been. He pulled her into his arms and rolled to his back, draping her over his chest.

"I," he began, kissing her tenderly. "Don't," he kissed her again. "Either." Olivia smiled in spite of the sad situation. "But you'll be back before you know it," Elliot reminded her.

She snuggled into his embrace and he kissed the top of her head. "Want to catch a few z's before you have to go?" he asked. She nodded her head and he reveled in the silkiness of her hair against his chest.

"Kay," he kissed her again, gently, sweetly, and let sleep overtake him.

-

A few hours later, Olivia woke to the quiet chirping of her cell phone alarm. She shut it off and slowly extracted herself from Elliot's embrace. She walked naked to the bathroom, taking her cell phone with her so she could call a cab when she got out of the shower. She stood quietly in the bathroom doorway for a moment, watching Elliot as his chest rose and fell slowly in sleep. He laid on his back, the sheet bunched just below his waist, his cut lines barely visible above the black and white striped cotton. His right arm was flung above his head, displaying the sexy USMC tattoo on his forearm. He was almost more devastatingly handsome in sleep than he was in wakefulness. His gentle grace and strength were at rest, and it was like the horrors of the world couldn't touch him.

She smiled softly before turning to get in the shower. Her body was sore in places she didn't know existed from their initial contact the night before and from the few times they'd reached for each other in their sleep over the past few hours. She knew she'd sleep like a baby on the plane. As she quickly washed her hair with Elliot's tingly mint shampoo she reveled in being able to smell him on herself. She didn't know what she'd gotten herself into by sleeping with him, but she knew whatever it was, she loved it. She loved him.

A few moments later, she got out of the shower and quickly dried off, calling for a cab before she left the bathroom. Elliot was still fast asleep and she didn't have the heart to wake him so she wrote a quick note and left it next to his glasses on the nightstand. She kissed his cheek gently and left.

Elliot awoke slowly, reaching for Olivia, wanting to pull her into his arms and hold her for a while before she had to leave, but he was met with empty space. She was gone. He sat up hurriedly, looking around the room, praying she was just in the shower. His eyes fell to the note on top of his glasses. Sliding them on, he read her scrawled print.

_Elliot,_

_Thank you for last night. Thank you for giving me those memories to carry with me when I'm stuck in God knows where. I want you to remember that I will be back as soon as I can. We'll come up with a game plan. : ) I love you, El, more than I ever thought possible. You're the most amazing man I've ever met and I cannot WAIT to come home to you._

_Always yours,  
Liv_

Elliot smoothed a thumb over the paper, smearing the ink slightly. Smearing it – it wasn't dry! She hadn't been gone long. He vaulted out of the bed, pulling on jeans and a sweatshirt in a hurry, sliding his feet into tennis shoes without stopping to put socks on. He grabbed his keys off the counter and headed for the elevator. As he was standing there waiting for it to get to his floor, something caught his eye out the window. Olivia. She was standing on the sidewalk in front of his building, her small suitcase at her side. He bolted for the stairwell and raced down to the street level. Throwing open the door, he cried her name just as she was about to get into a yellow taxi.

"LIV!"

She whipped around, a huge grin on her face. He ate up the sidewalk in three quick strides, Olivia flying into his arms.

"I can't believe you were going to leave without saying goodbye," he groaned into her hair.

"I think we did a helluva job saying goodnight. Besides, you looked so peaceful sleeping. I didn't have the heart to wake you. Did you get my note?" she asked with a smile.

"I did. And I love you. And we'll work on that game plan when you get home. But don't _plan_ on leaving for the first few days you're back, okay?" he teased, pulling her hips to him.

She laughed. "Of course. I love you, El. I better go. Meter's running."

He kissed her soundly. "I love you too."

She pulled back and a flash of something crossed her eyes. "I'll have a prepaid cell when I'm gone. I'll call you," she whispered. He gave her a confused look and she pulled him close so she could whisper in his ear.

"Ever had phone sex?"

--

A/N: Longest need chapter ever! What did you think?! XO, Kinsey


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